Big Fat Hairy Living

This morning on the way to work, I saw three beautiful butterflies on the lilac bushes just west of Church on the north side of Wellesley. They were so beautiful, I stood and watched them for a few minutes. I watched them spread their wings and use their long tongues to drink from the lilac flowers. I wish I could watch animals all day.

One of the student interns at work sent a stupid, childish Flash animation to everyone in the department I work in, entitled “A potential screen saver.” Being stupid and gullible, I ran it. It flashed “I AM GAY” in large pink and black letters on my 20″ monitor.

Such childish bullshit.

Jane Rule:

To be forced back into the heterosexual cage of coupledom [via gay marriage] is not a step forward but a step back into state-imposed definitions of relationship. With all that we have learned, we should be helping our heterosexual brothers and sisters out of their state-defined prisons, not volunteering to join them there.

On Saturday, I went to the Canadian Tire at Yonge and Church and got a big eight-pound bag of bird seed. Chris J. and I fed pigeons in Frank Stollery parkette - there must have been at least 150 pigeons. At one point there were two pigeons on my right hand eating out of my palm, and one pigeon on my leg resting. A woman who lived nearby walked by and complained that I shouldn’t feed the pigeons because they are “taking over her neighbourhood.”

Bah. The animals were here long before us. She is the one taking over their neighbourhood. And there are humane ways to keep pigeons off your balcony if you don’t want them.

I should have thrown seeds on her and watched my pigeons peck her to death.

Apparently the penis comment at lunch yesterday caused quite a stir. One of the new internship students asked one of the older internship students, “Dave was kidding about the comment at lunch, right?” She asked whether it was OK for her to tell people who ask, and I said it is. It was kind of nice that she thought to ask.

At lunch today, my co-workers continued a discussion about what our requirements are for potential mates. At one point, one of my co-workers turned to me and asked, “So, Dave, what are your requirements in a girlfriend?” My reply: “A penis.”

From today’s “Metro:”

Argos hold open tryout on Saturday

The Toronto Argonauts are giving prospective football players the opportunity to show their stuff Saturday at the teams’ open try-out camp.

The camp is open to Canadian players only and takes place at the Argonauts’ practice facility at the University of Toronto Mississauga-Erindale campus.

My immediate reaction: That’s cool. I wish I were in shape so I could try out.

My next reaction: I want to go and try out just so I can get naked in the locker room with a bunch of beefy naked sweaty football players. Maybe some of them would need some “relief.”

After buying some new sheet music, I picked up Brodie and Cory and we went to Chrissy J.’s place. We had dinner, watched “Red Planet,” then went to The Toolbox where we all totally slutted it up. I now have masturbation fantasies to last me the next two weeks.

After losing Brodie (the bitch went over to someone’s place and didn’t call me to let me know) and returning home at 5 o’clock in the morning worried that Brodie was lost somewhere downtown, we finally slept, until Brodie buzzed up around noon. We then went shopping at eatons, my favourite department store, and did some shopping on Queen West. Got home, got totally fucked up, went out for drinks at a straight bar (the waitress said she’d never seen five guys at once all with beards!), then got back home and got fucked up again. Finally got to bed at 5:30 in the morning. Apparently I was really out of it and we were all making jokes about Ralph Wiggum from the Simpsons.

Victoria Day, we went out for brunch then relaxed at home the rest of the day. I’m writing this post just as I get home from dropping off Brodie and Cory at the Metro Coach Terminal.

Some time in July, here’s a company family picnic at Canada’s Wonderland. I had briefly considered inviting Chris the red-headed muscle bear to go with me, but I decided against it. I really don’t feel like going on any rides. The other thing is that there’s someone on my team who will be there, and he’s incredibly annoying. He continually harasses everyone to go on the Drop Zone, a really stupid ride. He just doesn’t give up and doesn’t understand that certain people just don’t want to go on rides. I really wish he’d shut up. He’s just so annoying.