Big Fat Hairy Living

I just got back from rehearsal. It was tiring, but it felt incredible. The music is all coming together, and I’m really excited about singing in front of hundreds of people for my solo. It will be the first time I’ve ever sung in front of a real audience. Sure, my solo part is short, but still…

I was sifting through some of the porn I get automagically delivered to my in-box through the magic of internet mailing lists. One of them was a picture of a bearish guy’s cock, with his hand resting on his thigh. It was called “dinkywithhand.jpg.” Dinky? What, was the person who named that file in kindergarten or something? Does he ask people to suck his “dinky?”

I tend to go through a cycle of socialization followed by reclusiveness. I’ll have months at a time when I go out, have fun at the Toolbox, meet new people, make new friends, have fun with old friends, and generally feel pretty happy. Then I’ll have other periods of a few months where I basically hole myself up in my apartment and don’t do much. I think my natural reaction when something bad happens, say at work, is to retreat from the world, but that doesn’t really help the situation at all. I need to find a happy medium so that I don’t end up getting bored at home on my own, or burn myself out by trying to do too much.

I wonder whether I place too much emphasis on self-control, and whether that’s a part of it. I usually tightly control what I say, but in the past few months, that control has been quite obviously and visibly lacking. Maybe I somehow try to retreat from the world because it hurts me, but also at the same time retreat from it because I’m afraid of how I’ll react to it. Perhaps it’s just moping and I’m lazy. I’m not sure.

Monday and Tuesday, I was away from work taking a course entitled “Teaching Technical Topics.” I need it because a few times a year, I teach a course at my work. For the first time in a long time, I had a thoroughly enjoyable two days at work. Of course, it’s because I wasn’t around any of my colleagues.

There was a really hot guy in my class, though. His name was Derick. Stocky, dark hair, goatee, and fur popping out of the top of his shirt. I wonder if he’s horse hung like another sexy Derick I know. I did check out his crotch, but he was wearing baggy pants. The gaydar signal was negligible. Definite dumb straight guy material. Pretty to look at, though.

Ah, gay.com chat. Sometimes I enjoy going on there and acting crazy, just to cause trouble.

FIREBALL11> hi
I RAPE CLAMS> Hi.
FIREBALL11> looking 4?
I RAPE CLAMS> I am looking for sex with clams and oysters.
FIREBALL11> clams actual clams?
I RAPE CLAMS> Looking for some hot shells, want to make some pearls.
I RAPE CLAMS> Are you a clam?
FIREBALL11> yup
I RAPE CLAMS> Oh yeah baby, nice tight shell?
FIREBALL11> yup
FIREBALL11> u interested
I RAPE CLAMS> Wait… CLAMS CAN’T TYPE! YOU ARE AN IMPOSTOR!
FIREBALL11> ur nuts
FIREBALL11 **** HAS LEFT PVT CHAT ****

Today on the subway, I was quietly singing to myself, rehearsing some of my choir music. At Victoria Park, a man who had been sitting behind me and, unbeknownst to me, listening to me, sat beside me and asked me to sing for him and his wife all the way to Warden. I politely declined.

I was at the Royal Agricultural Winter Fair yesterday. I saw so many cute animals! Of course, the pigeons and the chickens were the cutest. Plus, there were lots of beefy corn-fed farmer cub types.

Me holding a cute little chick. Words cannot describe how cute it was to hold that chirping little chick in my hands and have him flap his wings.

Watching some egg-laying hens. Cute! (See that bearded guy in the background? He let me pet his cock.)

A first prize chicken. Very pretty!

Some sleeping pigs. There weren’t very many pigs in their pens.

Brown cow butts. There were so many cows it wasn’t funny.