Big Fat Hairy Living

I’ve been working on my bathroom.

So far, I’ve scraped off years of paint drippings from the tile and scrubbed it clean. I’ve whitened the grout, recaulked the tub and shower, and removed the nasty old towel rail and toilet paper holder. I’ve plastered over the holes in the wall, so all I need to do between now and Friday is whiten the grout once more, then prime the wall.

On the weekend, I”m painting the bathroom, including the countertop. Once it’s dried, my new medicine cabinet and shelving go up. Then it’s on to the bedroom.

My mother is going to have cataract surgery.

I’m worried, of course. I know that it’s routine, but being one of those “old people” types of surgery, I guess it’s just a reminder of her mortality. My mom isn’t the perky-boobed young Bavarian beehived milk-maid from childhood photographs any more; at some point, she’ll be gone and I’ll have to do without her.

Today at work we went out for lunch to celebrate the birthday of one of the three female engineers in my area. Like me, she’s an outcast, but it’s just because she’s a woman, unlike in my case, which is more complex. They hate me for multiple reasons, not just one.

The topic of IKEA came up, but not because of me. One of them said he hates IKEA because their furniture is to contemporary. Another one said that he would never want to shop there. “I can make their stuff myself. It’s so boxy!” Spoken just like an engineer. This is why I hate engineers.

In other news, one of the people in my department felt the need to announce that his wife pregnant. It never ceases to amaze me, the lengths that heteroscum will go to in order to shove their digusting lifestyle into everyone’s faces. Does he really feel the need to announce to everyone that he’s been fucking his wife bareback and that she loves taking loads of his sperm up her cunt? I know I can look forward to months more of this, with lots of talk about her pussy and her engorged tits.

Should I announce at the next department meeting that I swallowed my boyfriend’s load the other night?

Sue-Ann Levy, columnist for the Toronto Sun, newspaper of the toothless and inbred, writes a fact-free rant in Sunday’s edition. Let’s dissect what she writes:

One hates to regularly rail about the six-figure suits at the TTC, but I’ve reached the sad conclusion these guys have a chronic case of tunnel vision … It’s been the same old story with general manager Rick Ducharme ($182,000-plus a year)

Do you really expect to be able to attract talent to run the TTC if you don’t pay them well? Why would any skilled manager want to become CEO of a transit company that employs 10,000 people and carries 1.3 million people a day without making a competitive salary? Fact is, Rick Ducharme could probably make more money in the private sector than he’s making right now at the TTC. If you want talent, you have to pay for it. Not that you’d know anything about talent, considering where you work.

The 70-page report makes a pitch for “stable funding”… to purchase 100 new buses and beef up both peak period and off-peak service … It proposes lowering fares … these measures would increase ridership by about 46 million within 10 years.

Does this drooling excuse for a columnist really have a problem with more buses, lower fares, and better service? Isn’t faster, more reliable service the perfect thing to attract new riders? No, not according to her. Later on she actually suggests concession carts in subway trains. Too bad they won’t fit in the crowded vehicles that would result without more money.

The report also suggests council adopt new transit-friendly policies by converting more road space to bus rights-of-way, bringing in road tolls and higher parking costs and by minimizing highway construction. Right. As if really, really punishing drivers is the answer.

Council has already adopted transit-friendly policies, at least in theory, in its new official plan. What you’re quoting is the report’s reference to Toronto’s official plan, already passed by council. The plan explicitly states that the 15-20% growth in Toronto’s population that is expected by the year 2020 can only be accommodated by encouraging transit and discouraging private automobile use. “Punishing” drivers is the answer, and the report explains why; the report bases these conclusions on 40,000 interviews over five years and on studies involving both observation of customer behaviour and their stated preferences. Similar studies elsewhere corroborate the TTC’s findings: to attract riders, public transit needs to come closer to the convenience of the automobile, and this is done through fast, timely service — only possible through dedicated rights-of-way and a larger fleet of vehicles.

had the TTC not dropped $934 million on the Sheppard subway to nowhere years ago, it would have been able to re-outfit its bus and streetcar fleets.

The province, not the TTC, funded the Sheppard subway at the insistence of Mel Lastman, then Mayor of North York, and over the objections of David Gunn, then Chief General Manager of the TTC. You may remember him as the man who saved both New York’s transit system and the TTC. Gunn clearly stated that he thought the money would have been better used funding bus and streetcar rebuild programs. Unfortunately, the Chief General Manager of the TTC doesn’t make funding decisions, and if he’d declined the Sheppard Subway money, he probably would have gotten nothing; when the Tories cancelled the Eglinton line, they didn’t give the rest of the money to the TTC, did they?

Zone fares or variable pricing — depending on the distance travelled or time of day — is completely dismissed [as] too “complex” for passengers, as are the mechanics of separating zones. Heck, I rode the trams in Melbourne last summer and their zone fares seem to work very well. One wonders if the TTC suits are worried about having to replace union jobs with automated machines, such as those used in Melbourne.

If the TTC were to implement automated fare collection, you’d complain of the high capital and maintenance costs and complain that they do nothing to increase ridership — facts that are explained in the report that you obviously didn’t read. The question of automated fare collection ties into the issue of fare zones, which the TTC explains:

It is very difficult to develop fare differentials between zones that result in revenue neutrality. Industry experience has shown that price elasticity for short trips is not high enough to increase the number of short distance trips to recover the revenue lost from reducing fares … the TTC does not currently have the complex fare equipment which is required to implement fare-by-distance without inconveniencing existing riders who enjoy a simple fare system with easy transfers between connecting routes.

In other words, if you had read the report, you’d realize that changing to an automated zone-based fare system would result in lost revenue and increased passenger inconvenience, and would require large capital investments in new fare collection equipment.

There’s no proposal to consider the kinds of comforts that could be provided to car users to make their transit ride more enjoyable - concessions selling coffee or juice or TV screens on the subways offering the latest news reports.

Do I even need to respond to this? Does she really think that the TTC will attract new riders by not by increasing service and lowering fares, but by selling orange juice and coffee on trains?

Coun. Paul Sutherland says the report clearly shows the heads of the TTC suits “are stuck in the sand” and the TTC is a monopoly that protects itself “by looking inward.”

This is the guy who wanted to widen the Don Valley Parkway. Enough said.

Sue-Ann, do us a favour and shut up.

People are stupid.

The National Post has an article about the TTC’s new ridership growth strategy. At the bottom of the page, people have posted comments. Let’s dissect those stupid comments one by one.

J. Paulo, a man who claims to be a teacher in Japan, writes:

It’s time to privatize. I ride Japan’r [sic] rails all the time. They are amazingly efficient, and reasonably priced.

When Toronto has the population density of “Japan’r,” then we’ll talk. Thanks to sprawl, the population density in most of Toronto is not high enough for transit to be profitable.

Max, an “avid TTC rider” who doesn’t bother reading before he comments, writes:

This is all good and nice, but what about varying ticket prices and electronic ticket … It is time for us to go electronic such as London or a New York, with fares that change for the distance … that will make the service more invinting [sic]

Obviously this person has never read the report in question or the TTC’s fare collection report (warning: large PDF), both of which explain why this would not be practical in Toronto.

Nicki Ianiero writes:

I’ve had to re-use the TTC after 25 years. I don’t think it’s the better way(very disgusted) … Why don’t you think of restructuring instead of always asking for money. Try to improve the technology. EG at Yonge and bloor employee(sometimes 2) just sitting observing the ticket box while people walk thru gate.(Waste of a salary). Even with purchasing passes or tokens always using cash … This must be big temptation for employees. Finally Get with the Times!!!

First of all, the TTC has restructured and cut back numerous times. They now are so efficient that they have the highest farebox recovery rate in all of North America — over 80%. Second of all, I’m sure that idiots would complain of lost revenue if there were no employees watching the fare box. Do you really expect the TTC to leave gates open with nobody there to make sure people pay? Third, the fare boxes have a one-way trap and cannot be opened by employees. And finally, learn how to write properly.

Jackie drools:

Why are you waiting until 2006 to reduce fares by a measly .10cents [sic] … I often wondered who was running the TTC and if they could not see by continuously raising the fares they were loosing [sic] riders to their cars. Why not try for three months reducing the fares to $1.00/$1.50 one way and see what happens [sic]

First of all, because of something called inflation that you’ve probably never thought about long enough to figure out how it works, freezing fares for three years and then dropping them by ten cents will result in a much bigger drop in terms of real purchasing power. Second of all, if you understood anything about basic economics, you’d know what inelastic demand is, and therefore would know why the TTC can increase revenue by increasing fares. And last, if the TTC did drop fares to $1.00 or $1.50 each way, where would the TTC get the money to operate the extra buses, street cars, and trains that they don’t even have?

Diane Francis from Scarberia, a “client care analyst,” writes:

I was stuck on the Scarborough R.T. for 2 hours on March 11th, 2003 an hour into our long wait the driver finally came on and said “Sorry for the delay we are experiencing” this was a very long 2 hours at 10:30 pm at night … The TTC should get their staff to take ACER training Extraordinary Client Caring.

Diane, you are a lying whore. There is no way that you were stuck on the SRT for two hours, because the TTC starts running shuttle buses as soon as any delay lasts longer than about fifteen minutes. Second of all, you probably need people to take courses in Caring What the Fuck a Stupid Trollop Like You Has to Say.

T. Lynn, without discernible gender, writes:

I am enormously frustrated with our current TTC system. I must take the Queen (501) and Bathurst (511) streetcars to get to and from work every day. It is miserable. I often have to wait in excess of 15 minutes for a Streetcar [sic], when I should only have wait a maximum of 5 during peak hours (as advertised) … Something must be done or you can bet ridership will continue to decrease.

What do you think the entire article that you just read was all about?

Annette writes:

In comparison to these two systems, our TTC is a joke. Two lines, no buses to greet you late at night, and overpriced.

The TTC has four rapid transit lines and 15-minute service along Yonge and Bloor at night. All other major night routes have 30-minute service. There are enough night buses that 86% of Toronto is within a 15-minute walk of a night bus.

Brian Walsh, who lists himself as “self-employed,” takes the time to write:

Why has the TTC done such a poor job of developing its real estate? Is the TTC not rich in real estate and partnership opportunities? Why does the TTC ignore the tourist market? So many opportunities out there and they continue to do business like they are a public utility.

If you bothered to read, you’d realize that the TTC has been considering partnership opportunities for some of its prime real estate for quite a while now. As a matter of fact, the TTC is seeking proposals for its bus garage at Yonge and Eglinton as we speak. Why should the TTC focus more on the tourist market when almost all of them will take the TTC anyway, and they already have a day pass for tourists? And do you even realize that if the TTC acted like a private business and not a public utility, service would be cut even more than it is now? Of course you don’t.

Today I was bored at work, so I popped into a meeting room, locked the door, and called 966-ORAL, the local gay rag’s sex cruise phone line for closeted suburban guys.

If I hear the words safe, clean, and discreet ever again, I’ll scream.

Repukelickin’ Politician Arlon Lindner: “I was a child during World War II, and I’ve read a lot about World War II. It’s just been recently that anyone’s come out with this idea that homosexuals were persecuted to this extent. There’s been a lot of rewriting of history.”

More recollections of March 10: “I met Mark at a party I almost didn’t go to. We met in the kitchen, where I batted my eyelashes at him and tugged on his long goatee. It only took a few minutes of shameless mutual groping and slobbery kisses for me to whisper the magic romantic phrase ‘Fuck, you’re sexy,’ and Mark to counter with ‘I want your cock in my mouth,’ at which point we left the party for my apartment and proceeded to fuck like bunnies. I love it when old goats like him still have lots of stamina.”