Big Fat Hairy Living

More fagylalt for you all to lick. Or imagine licking, anyway. Click to enlarge him.

Click to enlarge him.

My computer is fixed and ready for pick-up. What did people do before the internet? Television is so boring!

Martha’s Baking Handbook, a book that everyone should rush out and buy, is awesome. It’s inspired me to write my own recipes.

Hot Porno Booth Action
Serves 2.

Ingredients:

• 1 sick boyfriend
• 1 overactive libido
• New Release Adult Video on Church street, to taste

Mix together first two ingredients for one week. Add New Release Adult Video and stir until orgasm.

I’ve actually only ever been there twice before and it’s only because I ran into a sometime fuck buddy/hot construction worker on the subway last week that I even thought of going. He told me (while teasingly adjusting his crotch) that I was the second fag he’d run into in a few minutes. The other one had been a hot Mexican daddy he’d blown at New Release recently.

With no internet access because of a broken computer and with none of my local fuckbuddies available, I headed to get some porn booth face to fuck.

It was pretty quiet when I arrived. There were only a few guys there, and with wth the exception of one bearish guy who showed no interest in me, none of them were my type. I was there for about ten minutes and was actually considering leaving when a cute young cub with lots of piercings arrived. It only took a few minutes for us to start getting it on.

Never one for the confines of small porno booths, we went at it in the darkest corner we could find, not that any of the corners were particularly dark. The cub got on his knees and unzipped me, going at my dick like a hungry little piglet. I’d been holding his head in place and fucking his hot, wet mouth for only a few minutes when I heard a cell phone ring. And a guy answer it. From inside a booth.

The guy was obviously talking about work and I didn’t pay much attention because I was otherwise occupied. The thought did pass through my mind very briefly that I should start yelling “Yeah, suck my cock, boy!” really loud. I didn’t, partly because porn dialogue makes me laugh but mostly because I’m pretty quiet during sex. I blame my mother.

Booth guy finally finishes his phone call and I finish with the young cub’s mouth. After holding in place for a bit to make sure he swallows — I’ve had unfortunate experiences with other young cubs who spit — I hear rustling from the booth. A man with atrocious hair comes out with his coat over his arm.

“Hey buddy,” he says to me, my pants still unzipped and the young cub just getting off his knees, “Do you have change for a dollar? I don’t want to leave yet.”

As usual, CBC had the best coverage with the best set, the most tasteful graphics, and the most informative panelists. But did Wendy Mesley become a lesbian? Her hair looks pretty dykeish.

As one would expect, CITY TV had the worst election coverage. The graphics were horrible, the set was busy, and the hosts were long on metaphor and short on insight. Host Ann Mroczkowski introduced her political panel by saying “We’ll have voices from all sides of the spectrum. The sparks are really going to fly here in the bullpen. It’s a real horse race!” She wins the award for most mixed metaphors in one statement.

Kevin Newman on Global was good, but the graphics were tacky. Why do they saddle a good news anchor with such horrible visuals? And the host covering the Ontario results had the same stupid fake touch-screen television he had last time. What a lame gimmick.

I didn’t bother watching any of CTV’s coverage. Lloyd Roberston looks like Count Dracula. Is he going to retire already?

Civitatensis, a conservative who has commented in this blog once or twice before, recently wrote a long screed in his blog complaining about horrible “liberal” judges. In his post, he included this sentence:

Ontario Court of Appeal judges, for example, have attended celebratory parties organised by homosexual advocacy groups.

I pointed out that one of the judges in the article he linked to was in fact Roy McMurtry, the former Conservative Attorney-General of Ontario who gave the go-ahead on the Toronto bathhouse raids, harassed gay publications by continually appealing their acquittals on indecency charges, and refused to add sexual orientation to the forms of discrimination banned by the Ontario Human Rights Code. I wrote the following comment:

Wow. Those “REAL Women” are pretty clueless. When Roy McMurtry was Attorney-general of Ontario, he did his best to jail, oppress, and censor the gay community.

Civitatensis edited the comment:

Wow. Those “REAL Women” are pretty bright, a long-time ago all sorts of Liberals did their best to jail, oppress, and censor the gay community –some even were Attorneys-General of Ontario.

Liar.

I just signed the contract extension. It turns out they’ve offered me an eight week extension, not the six weeks my manager told me verbally. I’ll be employed until the end of March at the very least, and longer if they decide to hire me full time at the end of the contract.

I’m going to stop reading election news. I’m too depressed at the prospect of Stephen Harper winning and setting the country back decades.

I’m going to spend my time reading about cute hippos and tortoises befriending each other and fuzzy hamsters making friends with snakes.

Calgary Grit wrote a post in his blog with four reasons why he doesn’t want a Harper majority government. One of them was Harper’s vow to revisit the issue of same sex marriage. He issued a challenge asking anyone if they could show that their life has been somehow made worse by the legalization of same-sex marriage. Taking up the challenge, A. Carlton Sallet wrote:

Yes. Me. I have had to explain to my son that his government is nuts. Our values and sense of right and wrong are now in direct opposition to the values espoused by our country. This conflict is confusing to a child being raised to respect both. SSM has caused damage to the notion of marriage (already suffering from the extensive damage heterosexual couples have done to it) and devalued Canada in the eyes of children being raised by responsible parents committed to teaching their offspring right from wrong. My family is worse off.

I sarcastically quipped:

I hope A. Carlton Sallet’s son turns out to be the biggest, flamingest, queeniest cocksucking queer there ever was or ever will be. That’s what being raised in a screwed up fundamentalist household did to me.

To which he responded:

Just so long as it’s not your fault or anything, Dave. Remember: the first rule of liberalism is that everything that’s wrong in your life is someone else’s responsibility to fix. This includes, naturally, your propensity to wish evil on small children.

This is my response:

A. Carlton Sallet:

You’re accusing me of finding fault in others and blaming others for what’s wrong in my life, but it seems to me that’s what you’re doing. You are the one saying that your family is being damaged and that your life is “worse off” all because gay couples that you don’t even know have been getting married. Same sex marriage has been happening for two and a half years now and somehow this has caused you problems, yet the only “problem” you can demonstrate is some kind of vague “damage to the notion of marriage.” It seems to me that you rephrased the question rather than answering it.

If your life is worse off, look to yourself. Don’t blame others for your life problems. Don’t be like other conservatives who claim that people should be treated equally and should be responsible for themselves — except when they upset conservatives by putting their penises or vaginas where conservatives think they shouldn’t be.

I cannot disagree with you more when you imply that the fact that I’m gay is “something wrong with [my] life.” Just because something comes from something bad doesn’t mean that it’s bad itself. A child who is abused by her parents may grow up to become a child psychologist in order to help other abused children. That doesn’t make being a child psychologist a bad thing.

You know what, Carlton? Being gay is not what’s wrong with my life, it’s what’s right. Every day when I wake up, I thank fate, the universe, my genes, my parents, or whatever it was that made me what I am.

Being gay has taught me that I don’t have to listen to people who would have me fear or loathe what I am. It has taught me not to listen to people who would have people like me who are different hidden away not to be talked about.

Being gay has shown me compassion, tolerance, understanding, and humility. It has taught me to look at everything with a different eye. It has taught me the only limits to what I can be or what I can do are the limits I place on myself, and that nothing can stop me — or anyone — from being as happy, fulfilled, and loved as I want to be.

Carlton, I hope that your son will turn out gay because that means all the nonsense you’re teaching him will have failed. It’s not evil that I wish on your son, it’s liberation.