Big Fat Hairy Living

One man has finally had enough of the steaming pile of shit that is Bear 411:

A Bear’s Life Magazine interviewed him in their first issue. I still laugh my ass off and quote this question for the interviewer on a regular basis: “Greg, you’re an amazing man. Where do you go from here?” WHAT? An AMAZING MAN? For creating a bear chat site that looks awful, works even worse and is dictated by petty rules, censorship and discrimination within our own bear community? He didn’t cure cancer, people. He made a website.

I wonder if A Bear’s Life Magazine is going to ask similarly insightful questions of Andrew Sullivan when they interview him for their next issue.

You know what’s infuriating? Chatting for half an hour with someone who out of the blue asks what you’re “into,” then, when you ask him whether he means sexual interests he says “Either sexual or not, but if you’re going to talk sex then send me pictures of your ass.” Then, once you’ve sent the pictures and ask for some in return he says “Sorry, I only get naked for my boyfriend!” and logs off right away.

Look, people. You’re chatting on a bear sex site. I don’t care what you say on your profile about how you’re there “just for friends”; you should expect sex. Don’t act like a prudish little virginal schoolgirl and suddenly turn all “Oh, but I have a boyfriend and couldn’t possibly show you my cock! That’s a special expression of my love for him and nobody else gets to see it!”

First of all, nobody asks “what are you into” on a bear sex site without intending it to be a sexual question. Second of all, I don’t care about your boyfriend. I want to see your cock, and showing it to me does not deprive him of anything. Third of all, your cock is not a special expression of your love, it’s a goddamn COCK and if I show you mine, then you’d better show me yours.

If you want friends then join one of the many gay social groups for people who share your interests, not a hook-up site for fat horny fags.

How can Mark chat with these flaky 21 year old kids without pulling out his hair? I need to stick to daddies.

Am I to understand that Americans don’t put mayonnaise on their burgers?

In no particular order:

• hoatzins
• peppermint tea
• pine trees
• cacti
• pangolins
• goat cheese
• celadon
• komodo dragons
• ceramic serving bowls
• Brian Gluckstein
• the name Justin
• Newfoundland accents
• applesauce
• decorative grilles used in interiors in unexpected places
• PMN Caecilia
• PC Extra Cheesy Macaroni and Cheese frozen dinner
• the default Nokia ring tone
• unusually shaped (human) penises
• orange t-shirts
• David Attenborough

I didn’t fully realize it until just now, but I have a thing for big (but not too big) schnozzes, especially when on fat Franco-Ontarian or Quebecois guys. A lot of French guys seem to have that kind of nose. It really works well on them.

This guy to the right has the kind of nose I’m talking about. He’s French, not Canadian, and is doing that whole silly butch frowning thing, but the nose makes his face much more interesting than it would be otherwise.

Nothing is sadder than a bunch of fat queens making fun of guys about how they look and dress in their personal ads, all the while claiming that their cruel mocking is “not about looks.”

This company is so strange. No one tells anyone anything. Stuff just happens without any warning or any announcement.

On Friday, one of the engineers I work with left the company for another job. In the morning, Human Resources sent out a job posting for a new engineer, and I assumed that meant my manager was going to be hiring someone new. At noon he started putting on his coat and saying goodbye to everybody, and that’s when I figured it out. Shouldn’t one of the company’s five engineers leaving the place merit at least an announcement?

People will also go on trips without any advance notice. Last week, my manager didn’t show up on Wednesday or Thursday, and I only found out what was going on when he called me from out of town to ask me about something. What if I’d needed him for something important?

The latest bit of news is that the office is going to be rearranged. Nobody has told me this, of course, but I managed to piece it together from overheard bits of conversation. I don’t know when it’s going to happen, so for all I know, I’ll come in on Monday and not know where to find my desk.

Is it just me?

A crypto-racist post on a Livejournal community:

Dear Mexican Sombrero Asshat,

First and foremost, I would like to say I am not a racist. I may be descended from German Southerners but that does not necessarily a racist make. I have hung around with a wide variety of folks: gays, handicapped, other ethnicities. I am more open-minded than the average Folkish Heathen.

However, since moving to Mission Viejo, California from Meriden, Connecticut in December, I have learned that California is not another state — it is another fucking planet! I go to McDonald’s, that most American of institutions, and it is staffed entirely by Mexicans who are chitterchattering away in The Espanol and completely fuck up my drive-thru order! They can’t even fucking count! My boyfriend gets furious and actually CALLS McDonald’s to complain. The next thing you know, they fire the manager of the store, but the same problem worker who can’t communicate yet mans a fucking drive-thru is still there. I know it’s cheap to hire illegals under the table but DAMN WTF.

If you are going to live in the United States, learn how to fucking speak English, motherfuckers! Assimilate into our culture! I don’t care if you serve fucking tamales at Thanksgiving but don’t force your Reconquista bullshit on us, please.

It is people like you that necessitate a wall at our borders.

Fuck you very much,
Sigrun Liobhering

My response:

Dear pale-faced white person,

Stop speaking english. If you come to our land, learn our language and assimilate into our culture.

(Oh, and give us back the land that you stole.)

Yours truly,
American Indian

That post reminds me of the time my father, who moved to Canada from Germany in the early 1960s, complained that “all the damn immigrants” were “ruining” the country. My response to him: “If you don’t like Canada, go back home, you Nazi kraut.”

He shut up.

I just got back from an orgy. I was such a pig. There’s so much cum in my stomach that I won’t need protein for days.

One of the seven cocks I sucked tonight was the biggest cock I’ve ever sucked. It was easily nine inches long, it was uncut, and it was so fat I couldn’t get my hand around it. Luckily my throat stretches easily, and luckily it only took ten minutes to suck the load out of him, or my mouth would have gotten too tired to suck off all the other guys.

The grand finale was getting banged in both ends. A tall guy who looks like a cop fucked my throat with his fat uncut dick while a leather daddy who had been using my mouth as his urinal all night banged my ass. Then they switched. The tall guy shot his load and then, according to one of the guys in the large crowd that had been watching, emptied the condom on my back.

I also sucked off a fat cute cubby guy who had a cool foreskin piercing. He ended up getting me off while the leather daddy was getting sucked off on the sofa next to me.

I wish I could get guys taking turns at my ass and my mouth every weekend.

Finally tally:

• Cocks sucked: seven
• Loads swallowed: five
• Assfucked: three times
• Asses fingered: one
• Piss drank: three times
• Loads shot: one