Big Fat Hairy Living

The man announcing the subway station stops this morning sounded like Squidward from Spongebob Squarepants.

I just realized that I know three people, none of whom know each other, whose cell phone numbers end in -BEAR.

My manager just came by my desk to tell me that one of the other engineers has handed in his resignation and will be moving to another company. The first thing I thought was “Oh no! I wonder if they’re going to replace him.” Then he told me that they would be hiring a replacement, but that it might take a while. That was a relief. The next thing I thought: “Whew! I can’t wait to raid his desk for office supplies!”

Only in Japan would someone name a porn video “Urethra Penetration Gentleman”.

More proof that “support the troops” is a meaningless phrase used solely to intimidate political opponents:

The federal government is about to stop its practice of giving extra money to Canadian soldiers posted to some of the country’s most expensive cities.

Since June 2000, almost half of Canada’s soldiers have been receiving a bump in their monthly salary — the posting’s living differential — for living and working in cities with a high cost of living.

However, the Tory government will put a halt to the payments for soldiers in places such as Toronto and Ottawa.

Shorter Harper: “Shriek! You mean you want Canadian forces out of southern Afghanistan? Shriek! Don’t you support the troops? Oh, and by the way, we’re cutting the troops’ pay. Support the troops!”

Naomi Wolf has a warning for Americans:

If you think we are living in scary times, your worst fears may be confirmed by reading Naomi Wolf’s newest book, The End of America: Letter of Warning to a Young Patriot. In it, Wolf proves the old axiom that history does repeat itself. Or more accurately, history occurs in patterns, and in order to understand where our country is today and where it is headed, we need to read the history books.

Wolf began by diving into the early years leading up to fascist regimes, like the ones led by Hitler and Mussolini. And the patterns that she found in those, and others all over the world, made her hair stand on end. In “The End of America,” she lays out the 10 steps that dictators (or aspiring dictators) take in order to shut down an open society. “Each of those ten steps is now under way in the United States today,” she writes.

Yesterday when I should have been working, I instead got sucked into chatting online. I know it’s bad of me, but sometimes I get bored and need to take my mind off boring engineering shit. Boy, did I ever take my mind of boring engineering shit!

I’ve been talking to this guy, who unfortunately does not live in Toronto, for only a short while. He’d posted some naked pictures and I’d replied to them. It was lust at first sight: He’s furry and has a nice cock, and I’m fat and have a nice ass. It only took five minutes of conversation until he opened the sexual floodgates by telling me how he’d enjoyed reading one of my slutty sex posts.

This guy has the cocky dominant top attitude that I love, and he’s got a big fat dick to go with it. When a guy has a big dick, I like him to be cocky about it. I want to hear him brag about it. I want him to love showing it off. I want him get off on other guys wanting it. That’s what this guy’s like: he’s got a big dick and he’s really fucking proud of it. He has the whole “lady in public, whore in the bedroom” routine down pat.

“I love having a big cock,” he told me. “I got some inches on the average fucker … and I can make you feel each fucking inch too.” He told me how one time he wore a jock to work and got noticed a lot because of the way it showed off his big package. He told me about how he fucked one guy so hard that the guy’s ass bled (according to him, the guy seemed to have enjoyed it regardless.)

He’s very dominant and likes fucking rough. He gets a guy on his back so that he can shove his dick in as deep as possible and give him a really hard pounding. That position is perfect for fucking hard until it hurts, he says, and perfect for pulling out and shooting a big load all over the guy’s face and on his tongue. He kept on talking like this, telling me how he likes to use a guy like a fuck toy and how he wanted to do the same to me, ramming my hole until it was sore. He wants to use me like a fuck toy — “I can be a selfish fuck,” he said. “I like guys who are selfish in bed,” I replied.

He’s also really verbal. He gets off on hearing a guy beg for it. Not having had sex since the night before, I was a total slut. I begged for his cock. How pathetic is that, begging for cock on the Internet? I couldn’t help it, though. He’d gotten me incredibly horny. There I was sitting at work with a boner begging for his fat cock while he was at home stroking it. I’m not usually into cyber sex chat very much, but he had me so horny for his dick that I couldn’t help it. At work of all places.

After he’d shot his load, he told me to deal with my boner by going to the washroom to take care of it in a stall, but only if I promised to leave my load in my underwear: “I want you to come back and tell me your underwear’s sticky.” Being a filthy slut, I of course promptly did exactly that. He seemed happy that I’d done that for him, but he had one final task. “I want you to post to your blog,” he typed, “and tell everyone how you were turned on begging for my cock and how I made you blow a load and sit in it at work.” I felt like a real pig sitting at my desk with a big load in my underwear. Then again, I am a real pig.

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In unrelated news, I had a performance review with my manager who told me that he’s been very pleased with how I’ve been doing lately. I did not have sticky underwear at the time.

You mean police think it’s all right to taser an innocent man to death after 30 seconds of confrontation just because he’s acting confused and agitated? I’m shocked, shocked!

No, actually, I’m not. Police are little more than government sanctioned thugs, and a few good apples don’t unspoil the whole bunch.

Yet another reason why I can’t stand anything Daniel Liebeskind does.