Big Fat Hairy Living

Paul Martin is to the Liberal Party of Canada as Hillary Clinton is to the Democratic Party.

Yes? No? Comments?

That’s the inside of the teeny tiny plane I spent 90 minutes inside today.

Manchester and Nashua, both of which I’ve been to before, remind me of small southern Ontario towns set in a hillier version of Algonquin Park and with Dunkin Donuts instead of Tim Hortons.

At the airport in Manchester, New Hampshire, we were greeted by a gorgeous fat blond cop with ruddy cheeks, thick shoulders, and a huge ass. His huge ass was complemented by a huge bulging crotch, both of which probably looked huger than normal because he was wearing uniform pants that looked way too tight in the thighs.

I ordered a steak sandwich and a salad for dinner. Room service on the company dime! Sadly, naked fat bears were not on the room service menu.

He had a beautifully chunky muscle body and a great ass. What this crappy cell phone camera picture doesn’t show is his huge bulge. He looked like he was hung like a donkey.

The other night I had the worst sexual experience I can remember in years. A slut who drops by regularly to suck my cock was scheduled to show up. He showed up 30 minutes late. With someone else.

Not only had he brought someone without asking, he’d brought a guy who was completely not my type. He obviously weighed less than me, but it was all distributed to all the wrong places. He looked like a horrible, obese version of Max Headroom (crazy hair included).

The slut asked me at the door if it was OK that he’d brought someone, but what does one say when put on the spot like that? People only ever ask when it’s already too late because they know most people’s first reaction will not be to close the door on them. In this case, I let them in and sat on the couch while the slut sucked pseudo Max Headroom’s cock. I made my displeasure abundantly clear without using words and ended up kicking them out in five minutes. The slut will not be making a return appearance.

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In other news, I’m visiting New Hampshire all next week on business. All the men there seem to be either ugly, monogamous, or looking for love. Luckily I’ll be meeting one of the few exceptions, an online buddy, for dinner one night.

Mark is in Ottawa visiting his parents for Easter, so I’m left all alone to my own devices. Yesterday I used my freedom to go out and get drunk with Jon and have cyber sex at three o’clock in the morning with a big-dicked little slut who likes it up the ass. Yay!

Mark is using his time away differently. Apparently he’s been chatting online with someone he used to know many years ago — they had sex with in a locker room in Ottawa 25 years ago. They were both new wave twinks at the time, but now both of them are old, fat, and hairy. This isn’t just a regular reunion between old friends, though.

Mark, who never likes any of the pictures of daddies I show him online, is going to fuck this guy. Mark, who has never expressed sexual interest in anyone over the age of 40 since I’ve know him, is going to fuck this guy. Mark, who knows I would blow my load in about ten seconds just from watching him make out with another daddy, is going to fuck this guy. This old friend is 50 years old with a bushy white goatee, a beefy body, a fat cock, and is totally hot daddy material.

If I were straight, this would be like my hot girlfriend who never wants bisexual threesomes suddenly going out of town and having totally hot girl-on-girl action with a big-titted blond supermodel while I’m not there to benefit from it. Mark is having lesbian sex and I’m not even going to be able to see it!

He’s on Lakeshore Boulevard, yo. Totally badass near the Loblaws and Price Chopper.

I’d like a large coke, an apple pie, a large order of fries, and a fish burger with extra cocaine. To go.

Stephen Harper, speaking to Maclean’s magazine in August of 2003 about Canada’s decision not to get involved in the US invasion of Iraq:

Canada remains alienated from its allies, shut out of the reconstruction process to some degree, unable to influence events. There is no upside to the position Canada took.

Are those deranged libertarians trying to establish a beachhead in Canada?